Citizen Reporter

Years from now, when my bike tires are a bit more run down, my beard is grey, and personal hairline security loses the battle, my nephew will ask lots of questions. So travel with me now, into the future, to the year 2020, and a conversation between teenaged A-Ren and I.

“Did you really put my photo all over your blog uncle bm? Why did you do that?”

Yes I did A-Ren, I had so many of your amazing photos that grandma sent me, and I was so far away in the Amsterdam, that I felt the need to put you all over my blog. I also figured when you got older, blogs would be this ancient idea, like NEW COKE, and you’d look back and laugh, like I do when I see my own “babybook” that grandma keeps in a closet.

“Why did you live so far away uncle bm? I mean… if you really liked me…”

A-Ren my boy, before the ocean levels rose and swallowed it up, Amsterdam was a wonderful place to live. With a quality of life that was so high… I mean.. good. The children there seemed so happy riding their bikes to school. And even the adults seemed content with their tiny lives that they could pack into a tiny apartment when they weren’t in their modest offices. I started living there before you were born, and I loved it, you see my heart needed to be there. And so I stayed, even though I missed you alot, and of course, I came to visit you in NJ all the time!

“Didn’t you miss your mommy and daddy? And my daddy?”

Oh yes, you can be sure I did. I wished very much that they could visit me all the time, the same way you would come to grandma and grandpa’s house on sundays. I missed grandpa and grandma alot and I hoped they didn’t mind too much that I wanted to live in such a far away country. I especially missed your daddy. We used to go bowling together, and we’d play those old time playstation 2 games, remember those from the museum?

At the same time, thanks to Al Gore and George W. Bush, we had the internets, so even though I was accross the ocean, we spoke everyday and shared lots of photos, especially yours. I remember asking your dad about every little detail about you, how you eat, what sounds you make, etc. So even though we were far, we were still close.

“Uncle BM, what ever happened to your blog?”

My blog? Well, after using it to secure world peace, I really wanted a vacation. But then suddenly your dad asked if I wanted to move here, to mars, with you guys. And I thought, “hmm.. a far away planet.. with my nephew A-Ren.. this is gonna be fun!” So I came here and we were so busy growing organic martian food, that I stopped blogging for a while. But now that we’ve got terrestrial internet going, I’m definitely restarting the blog. I can’t wait to read what the Midnight Mailman is delivering. Or to hear about how Bitch PHD is holding up in her old age. I really want to see who wins the 16th annual Anna’s this year!

Oh look at me going on and on about the golden age of weblogs. Pay no attention, you run along now and play with the martian prairie dogs, I’m going to see if our new neighbor Brian needs a hand with his solar panels.

Today’s Sounds: Whole Wheat Radio live from Alaska

Last week, following my announcement that sunday’s would be dedicated to the wonders of podcasting, a blogreader (who will remain nameless) came up to me and said, something like:

Oh yeah, I read your post with all the nerd talk in it. 

Nerd Talk? PEOPLE!

Do not fear podcasting, and do not fear sundays on the communiqu?. Rather, EMBRACE this fantastic new world of broadcasting via the net!

Maybe it’s the word itself, PODCASTING… Pod… that’s not so scarey. Like peas in a pod. And casting, like casting for a school play, isn’t that cute? Put them together, it’s not that nerdy.

All day long today I’ve been having a Dawn and Drew podcasting marathon. At first, I just wanted to give it a listen since it was listed on Loft 405’s site. But – to my surprise – I’ve become addicted to this hilarious couple broadcasting shows almost daily from their barn in Wisconsin. My favorite so far was their guest Turkey, sex for ratings, and weird phonecalls to family members about childhood embarrassment. Their personalities work so well together, it actually reminds me of the mini-shows my friends Davey Darko and Catdog used to record on my taperecorder whenever I”d lend it to them. Even here in Amsterdam I have those tapes with me and I pop them in and listen to the fun as they drive around New Jersey’s infamous Route 22.

Dawn and Drew asked the question the other day, “Why is podcasting such a guy thing?” To which Dawn replied – “is it?” So ladies… make it not be so, check out the show, search for other podcasts, show the world that it’s not a “guy thing” to be into new technology. (cause of course it isn’t!)

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TOMORROW, right here on the Communiqu?, I’ve been working hard on a new thing.

Today’s Sounds: Dawn and Drew Show marathon (podcast)

Last nights day-late thanksgiving dinner was just what my soul needed. The excessive eats, multiple courses, exotic desserts, and Dutch-German-American-Portuguese cross cultural communication reminded me of what I love about this city and my underworld. It seemed to bring similar warmth to the other guests, some of which had never had a thanksgiving meal before. Curious K., my good buddy, seemed to especially enjoy hearing the thanksgiving stories and eating the associated food that Ms. Thingk and I provided. Shit, she even imported Stove-Top stuffing, fancy eh?

But the bigger priority on the communiqu? today is to pay tribute to those all important people who share our homes with us — roommates! Yes! Last night’s feast was Vibfun’s last meal as a roommate at the bicyclemark ranch, a sad-sad goodbye, as she moves in with her man across town.

I remember it well… our first encounter-

The class was Communicating European Goat Herders’ Political Agendas, or something to that effect, and it was a packed house, a mix of Dutch and Internationals. I’ll never forget one of the first times she spoke up in class in a fervent statement in response to some fool’s argument, as she spoke her face began turning bright red. As she kept speaking, her face only got red-er, and then as she’s speaking she says:

 ...And I bet my face is turning bright red right now,

cause that always happens, so I'll stop talking."

I remember thinking to myself. THAT’S A COOL CHICK.

I was right. And two years later, not only are we good friends, we are the best of roommates. We use the kitchen as our stage, where we act out scenes from the Muppet Show. Or we rehearse accents, our favorite being the bad-Dutch accent which I just can’t fake. But I usually provide her with an excellent French or Portuguese accent. Later she’ll read the labels off jars of tomato sauce or cereal, taking care to read each translation for each EU language. My personal favorite is when she gets to the German or Italian.

But this is how it goes with roommates, for many of us, I think. When we finally get the ones we like, we have great times, make great memories, and then one of us has to go. Later we’ll say it’s just better to live alone, and we’ll of course enjoy that when the time comes. But the truth is, there’s something irreplaceable, and unique about those university-years roommates. Later on we don’t throw things around, we don’t run around the apartment talking like characters from Star Wars or LOTR. Hell we may not even talk to our future roommates. Something about how adults are “supposed” to behave at home.

So here’s to Vibfun, and all the great times at the ranch. And here’s to the jogging king in Norway, Marty McFly in Sweden, A in Norway, and my former jersey roommates E, Keef, D-Rock, and Pasta; for all the good times in cramped spaces. I’d be lucky as hell to get roommates even 1/10th as fun and interesting as all of you. And shit… I miss those days already.

Today’s Sounds: Bonnie Somerville – Off the Garden State Sdtk.

The fishtank reminds me of the M*A*S*H 4077 today, and I’m doing my best Cpl. Klinger, all that’s missing is the wedding dress. I keep wishing I wasn’t the computer doctor on call. I studied European Communication people, nothing to do with you hard drive gonorrhea! Who do I see about a section 8?

I’m like the anti-christ of computer repair, I walk amongst the sick and counsel them. I touch their keyboards, bless them, and suddenly entire hard drives fail. It’s a miracle how many computers I’ve unsuccessfully repaired, soon I will have disciples who hate me, and people will follow a star to find me, so I can break their computers for them. I think I’ll walk on water on the way home today, then sink right to the bottom.

Great discussion last night at the ranch, all stemming from the film “The Last Supper” which I happen to know by heart. The film itself is unremarkable, but it’s the central questions that the movie asks, which make it great.

You're a time traveler, you travel to the year 1909,

you're in Austria, at a bar, sitting across from a young 

art student with one testicle, named Adolf.  Now, to this

point, he's not a mean guy.  He has no political aspirations,

has hasn't hurt anyone, he's not even mean tempered....

.... Do you kill him?  Knowing that it could save all those

people.  Do you kill him there. for the sake of the world?

Such a great question, I always thought. Plus the ongoing theme of the film is how “liberals” (in the US sense) only talk and argue, and never actually take any action. Which is argueable, but a classic criticism of the left in general, they talk and think, but never do anything.

My answer to the first question has changed since my days as a fledgling leftist, when I would have jumped up and shouted YES THEY DESERVE TO DIE and I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL. (Samuel L. Jackson cameo on the blog) Now, I’m a more mature leftist, embracing many of the hypocrisies that I practice. (not working hard, yet claiming to be a friend of the workers, for example!) I would not kill Adolf. I would talk with him, listen to him, debate and make my points to the best of my ability. Attempt to make him see the error of his ways. And if it didn’t work, I’d thank him for the drink, and bid him farewell… despite my knowledge of the future. Because he alone was not the cause of it all, there were specific circumstances and factors that helped to produce him. And furthermore, as much as I like to identify what I feel is right and wrong in the world, how can I talk about tolerance, the value of exchanging ideas through debate, and non-violence, If I’m ok with killing those who stand in the way of such a world.

Anyway I digress. It’s a fairly interesting discussion and this is just my 2 euro cents on it, or whatever you want to call the currency. But I do think it applies to many other examples of fuckheads in the present-day.

Today’s Sounds: The MIGHTY ZULU NATION – Shobana flyin lo