Channeling Dick

Before I get to our featured dead guy interview, I wanted to give lots and lots of love/respect/thanks to Kevin mcNoCoins who threw a bit o cash into my paypal tip jar to help pay for my podcasts. Wow. I was so happy… as much as I love podcasts and accepted the cash loss for paying for space, it feels wonderful to have gotten “tipped” by someone who likes the show. Can’t wait til sunday’s podcast.. it’s gonna be a circus.

Without further adue, direct from that whitehouse in the sky, 37th US president, Richard Nixon!

BM: Welcome to Communiqu? Mr. President… or how about just DICK.

D: That’ll be fine son, very glad to be here, what did you call this thing… a blob?

BM: Nevermind that sir, consider it a newspaper. I channeled you from the dead since well, you’re an interesting historical figure and the US has just inaugurated another 2-termer. What do you think about that?

D: So this is some sort of newspaper? Well I never heard of it.. hope it isn’t some commie rag. But right… the second term of MR. W. Bush… I think it’s fantastic, and I wish him all the luck in the world.. cause let me tell you, it’s not an easy job. No sir. Gave me heartburn and an ulcer… I couldn’t even sleep.. it was so nice to finally die all those years later.

BM: Now two-termers are notorious for scandal; Iran-Contra, MonicaL, and well.. your little trouble.

D: Well it didn’t take you long did it, obviously they still like kicking ol dick around. Well fine.. I suppose you’re right, but so long as Bush doesn’t surround himself by ASSHOLES the way I did, he should come out smelling cleaner then when he went it. Agh… if I could just get my hands on that blasted deep-throat.. I’d just keep squeezing. Ehm.. that’s off the record son.

BM: Right, of course, the communique always stays true to whats “of the record.” Hey how is the Nixon library doing? How does it manage financially?

D: Government subsidies and rich friends, son… You think inaugurations are the only things they spend millions on? No sir.. Matter of fact, I just read that Carter spent only 1 dollar per guest at his inaugural gala, what a boyscout. Now Bush, he knows how to make the good times roll and spend in the red.

BM: That’s just about all the time I have for you – DICK… but I did want to ask one more question, how do you think the X-PRESIDENTS will succeed in fighting crime without you? What special power does Clinton bring to the team?

D: I’ll have you know I had nothing to do with that dam cartoon, and I suspect they owe my family royalties. But the clinton one is easy, his JOHNSON. And one final thought, I can’t believe Donald Rumsfeld was in the watergate tapes, and is now Secretary of Defense, while I had to resign and fade away. Bastard.



There you have it.. another worthless interview with a dead historical figure.

*Oh don’t miss when Tony Pierce went black for the inaugeration, excellent reading.

Today’s Sounds: Adam Curry’s Daily Source Code (in Amsterdam)

Growing Pains Without Mike Seaver

I used to think it was annoying when I was all fascinated by weblogging and mentioned it in conversation and a majority of peeps would give a blank stare and say “sorry, what’s a weblog?” I understand that its relatively new (you know.. only 6 years old or so!!) but it still bothered me cause it ruined my high, not to mention my conversation. BUT sure enough, I have found something FAR more annoying, bring up PODCASTING in conversation. Utter disaster. Conversations come to a screeching halt. Nerd alarms go off… it’s downright freakish apparently, to use the term. My point — I hate how long it takes for new technologies and, for that matter, words, to become widely understood. Its enough to make me want to hide in a little podcasters club where we all speak the same language.

So I’ll try and keep my concentration while one gorgeous british gal looks in at me over the monitor… must.. concentrate… blog.. not.. girl.

At this very moment in Washingtonland, the man they call president is being sworn in . I’m not sure if my buddy and local mover and shaker, D-Rock, is going… I’m pretty sure the administration has a restraining order against his ass. But I do know that Ms._Thingk is THERE. YES! She sent an email, she’s doing well in DC.. super busy.. as you can imagine happens to all young, smarty pants, hot, democratic senatorial interns. Hopefully she doesn’t end up like the ol’ Washingtonienne. Although I hear the fame and fortune are decent, not to mention the sex.

But my thoughts on the inauguration are few. I was there, along with D-Rock, in 2001, to express my dissent for a president who was not elected and I felt was absolutely not qualified (one term as gov. is a crap CV/Resume.. to me.) Sure enough we were corralled behind barriers, searched, and randomly intimidated by displays of police power. (aka.. helicopters, parades of police cars, snipers, riot gear.. ) Nothing says FREE SOCIETY and DEMOCRACY like a display of iron fisted militarism. And so today should be more of the same.. though probably fewer demonstrators… since well.. its widely accepted that he won the vote.

So I’m across the ocean watching it all, and when i’m not feeling blissfully isolated from the madness, I just think — I guess this is what the country has to do. Meaning.. relatively speaking, the US is a young country. Like a human.. countries make mistakes, especially when they are young… so in a weird kind of way, maybe this is what the country needs to go through… the BUSH phase, and all the thinking that comes with it. As for those who didn’t want this.. well you’re all being dragged along for the ride. Oh and so is Spongebob.. sorry buddy.

Tomorrow on I See Dead Historical Figures: Dick Nixon!

Today’s Sounds: Cardigans – Long Gone Before Midnight

AudioCommuniqu? #3

This one was less of a bitch then the last, plus I’m rockin an 8 euro headset mic like my name’s madonna.

Includes:

  • Bandits of the Acoustic Revolution (Wonderful Life)
  • My Robot poem
  • Bush’s Iraq Speech 2 years ago
  • Bush remix
  • Mikey Boy from Loft 405 mentions me
  • Laurent Voulzy (Am?lie)
  • BM in French
  • Will I become a squatter?

AudioCommuniqu? #3 (mp3)

64kbps, 6,412MB, 13 min +


Poem about A Robot

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

She talks like a robot,

and gets oiled every night,

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

She was programmed by white people

To look like a black person,

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

She eats nuts and bolts for dinner,

And sleeps in Bush’s closet at night

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

She’s programmed to say nothing,

And she mispronounces the word ally.

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

Her hair is made of polyeurothane,

her policies were programmed in 1985,

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

Candoleeza Rice is a Robot

—Sing it with me.

=> And now to prepare dinner for a gaggle of Dutch girls who think I have culinary prowess.

Today’s Sounds: Talib Kweli – Beautiful Struggle

Act natural

I was at the controls of the fishtank when SHE walked in. If I keep eyes on the LCD display, I can’t actually see who is walking in, but I can sense it. Especially when its someone who looks and smells as good as she would. My mystery girl, who for the past six months had been the highlight of my workday. I swear she purposely chose a seat that offered a chance to steal glances my way. And sure enough… she’d catch me looking at her and vice-versa. We enjoyed those moments, and it seemed an unspoken agreement that we’d leave it like that.

That is until.. we broke the rules. Maybe it was the landing on Titan, or the rising of ocean, but for some reason, we spoke to each other. Starting with those magical words she spoke “hi”. I tried to think of something suave… so I responded “hi.” What followed involves alot of blushing, staring at the floor, and fidgeting. Eventually a real conversation ensued… and then came the inevitable: Mystery girl was glad to finally talk to me, but she was leaving the next day for good. Where was she heading, you may ask…. THAILAND.

Yeah.. Thailand.. I was all “don’t tell me.. you’re going to help with the relief effort!” thinking mystery girl was good hearted as she was beautiful. But NAY… she gave me one of those smiles that could turn winter into summer and said “I’m going on vacation.” This brought alot of questions from me… and a larger issue, the whole “best thing to do after a disaster is to get back to normal life… go shopping” philosphy. She explained, and I understand to some extent, that she had booked it long ago, and after careful reflection, she felt it was good for Thailand that the tourists come back, so why not her… now.

What a fucked up world, I tend to think. Which functions in such a system that says, the best way to recover from tragedy and move forward, is to go out and spend money. I know economically it somehow makes sense… but it doesn’t it feel creepy and wrong ? Does to me sometimes. I wouldn’t be able to just, go lay out in the sun of Phuket while hundreds of thousands have just died in one of the worst tragedies in the history of the world. For some reason I’d have trouble spreading suntan lotion on my European-American pale skin, when just a few minutes away, families are desperate for water and food to fall from the sky.

I guess that’s where the mystery girls of the world step in. They have the courage to get past my guilt, and go look beautiful on the beaches of south asia, while putting money into the tourist dependent economy. Hooray.

PS– If you had asked me oh mystery girl… I’d have gone with you.

Today’s Sounds: Radio Clash Podcast

The emperor Wears A Thong

Today begins my newfound fame, I suppose. Seriously, podcasting has done wonders to my readership, look for yourself. And here I thought putting my voice out there would scare the crap out of y’all, and readership would plummet, along with my blogshare value. (i have an overpriced blog stock apparently)

One of the coolest side-effects of my sunday podcasts has been the email. Many of you have said such nice things you make me blush. And then there were emails from other podcasters who found me on the net, even one from Amsterdam. Obviously this thing is sweeping the internet as one of the biggest new pass-times.

The Radiohumper and I were having an email discussion about public blogging versus anonymous, which is a discussion many of you have had with me… or maybe with yourself. (especially you schizophrenics!) That burning question as I write my thoughts – “Shall I reveal my secret identity?” And your eternal wonder “Who is this person really?” I think this will be a typical blog wonder for many years to come, especially as the mainstream wakes up and recognizes that this ain’t no trend and we’re here to stay.

So should you blog as yourself? Should you blog anonymously. Besides being annoying to spell… being an anony blogger has its perks. You can say fuck alot, and your mom won’t get mad. You can talk about affairs, and your partner won’t know. You can call you boss a fuckhead, and you won’t get called into fuckhead’s office the next day. You can discuss any topic, no matter how disgusting or tasteless.. like poo… and it will never be known WHO actually wrote it. — Pretty tempting ain’t it? Plus if you get big, you get to be like Bruce Wayne and mysteriously disappear whenever the joker crashes a party, having retreated to the BATBLOG.

For my part I try to blog 95% real. All characters on my blog are real, even the dead ones I pretend to interview, as is my life… as far as I know. Even if it seems like the twilight zone for me, as a open and public blogger, you can read this and know alot of my story. My hopes, concerns, pet-peaves, fettishes, and obvious character faults are all laid out on your 32-bit true color display. Last night in an email, the Verbal Chameleon commented that I would do well with a girlfriend who blogs, as we would get-on quite well. I can’t help but think — wow.. just by reading my blog for the past months, she knows quite alot about me. And by me, I don’t mean bicyclemark… but the mark behind the name. Then again I was once told that via my blog I sound like some kind of partying gigolo. Which sounds cool! — but oh so not the truth.

And so you see, I have no good conclusion for you.

Just cause you blog anonymously doesn’t mean your true self isn’t revealed. But it probably means you won’t be hated in real life, so long as you’ve got an Alfred as your butler who can iron your uniform and dust the blogcave.

And even when you blog as yourself, you may not come across as yourself. Either that or I’m a party-boy and a whore.

Today’s Sounds: Colin Hay – Peaks and Valleys