bicyclemark

Exile Consultant

(bloggers problems have been killing me today, trying to blog all day)

By now you’ve been walking around the internet and taking it all in. As No Coins said, the web is a bit depressing today. Lots of folks angry, sad, disappointing, shocked, etc. More folks talking about moving, to Canada (the campaign has begun!), etc. This idea is one I can speak on, and maybe I have special insight as an almost 4 year expat.

In an effort to get you through the despair, I present:

BICYCLEMARK’s HOW TO COPE LIST

My only request is this, get it out of your system now. Because if you’re still pretending you’re going to move to Canada in a month, you need to stop all the talking and make the move. An incalculable number of people, throughout history, have left their home country due to political, economic, or all sorts of reasons, it’s a global tradition and deserving of some respect. I’m not saying everyone should move, I’m saying if you feel oppressed or in danger, don’t be afraid to get up and do it.

Today’s Sounds: Free Speech Radio News, on 99.5 WBAI NYC

When Bloggers Hit the Streets

Well Well Well. Here we are again. Blogger and Reader. Friends. Romans. 7th day adventists. Are you worried? Rightfully so, traditionally, it’s the regular folks who suffer regardless of the outcome. But hey, let’s have some fun out there today!

The news is just pouring in here at the Bicyclemark ranch, which I’ve now renamed “the compound” since I’ve barricaded myself in, fearing the violence that will be sparked on the touristy streets of Amsterdam when it all comes down. Judging by Dutch public television, this is the most important election the Netherlands has seen in its history. Hence the 24 hour trailer-park trash coverage of Floridians I’ve been exposed to for the last week.

HERE COMES GOOD NEWS – THIS JUST IN: The left wing coalition has taken the Uruguayan presidency. Now there’s a real axis of excitement, or coalition of the thinking, if you will, in South America, made up of Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Paraguay, and Venezuela. I’m sure congress and the president select will consider going to war with South America to stop the pink menace of social-democracy.

Anyone noticed the changes in the electoral vote poll map thingy? Suddenly JFK is romping. I was surprised, but I do enjoy this map. And as I was discussing with Brian of Thestateimin, we without a landline will never be polled. (that and we living abroad have even less of a chance) I wonder how many americans only have cell phones? Couple of million?

I wanted to highlight and pay some respect to the bloggers that on this “magical” day have dragged their carpal tunnel hands away the keyboard and hit the streets to do whatever-it-is that campaign volunteers or voting monitors do. That would include Mr. B, professor B’s other half, who I imagine is running around the midwest trying not to get beat up with all his Kerry pins and friendly smile.

And then there’s Majikthise, one of my favorite bloggers, especially during this campaign hysteria, she’s getting out the vote in crazy Pennsylvania.

And just when things were going good for the grassroots buzz, the canvassing car took heavy damage.

Asia the deconstuctionist is going election crrrrazy in Oregon, and she’ll be dragging voters in off the streets today.

Makes me feel proud that some bloggers put their bodies and cars on the line for what they believe in. If I believed in the US electoral process, I might also not be sitting in my pajamas right now.

As part of my ~~annoying~~ EXPANDED election coverage, I wanted to give you this funfact:

In the last election, when the mysterious electoral college went to vote, “one elector from D.C., Barbara Lett-Simmons cast a blank ballot in protest of D.C.’s not having representation in Congress.” (according to the U of Kentucky electoral vote site) I like her style, but can we get the names and addresses of other electoral college cabal members? So we know where to throw fruit and burn effigies. I forget where I left my effigy.

MORE ELECTION NEWS — THIS JUST IN: No Clear Winner After Votecount in Ukrainian elections! Yes its true, no president. Sounds familiar.

Today’s Sounds: The Shins – Chutes too Narrow

Sit Ubu Sit

And the people said – SPEAK BM…. SPEAK, and so I shall, about good ol’ fashion Voter Fraud Americana style; wednesday morn. They plopped a TV just outside the fishtank so now everytime I go to drink my mat?, I’m staring at one of their mugs. Just now JFK shouted: “Tomorrow we’ll be going to the polls, one of the most beautiful things on earth.” Hmmmmmm… NO sir. You are wrong. Thank you.

We had a viewing of Wag the Dog last night at the ranch. That beautiful piece of filmmaking came out in 1997, and is still completely telling when it comes to politics in America. I’ve been reading through the script this morning, and there is some dialogue that I am just in love with:

Motts (Hoffman):We’ve just found out They Have the Bomb. We’ve Just Found Out They Have The Bomb, aaaand… No, No wait a second, no, no, wait a second, No. The Bomb’s not…it’s not there — because they’d have to have a rocket and that shit n’they’re a buncha wogs– it’s …it’s a suitcase Bomb. Ooookay. It’s a suitcase bomb,

and it’s …. in Canada! Eh? Albanian Terrorists have placed a suitcase Bomb in Canada, in an attempt to infiltrate the bomb into the USA.

Brean – (DeNiro): Leav’t alone. Wha’d television ever do to you?

AMES (Heche): IT DESTROYED THE ELECTORAL PROCESS.

Brean: No no, forget it, stop the song, our war just ended.

Johnny Dean (Willie Nelson): Are you gonna need me any longer, cause I was just about to go get drunk.

Motts (Hoffman): Trump that, Senator Neal, you Howdy-Doody-looking Vontz.

I can’t get enough of that word…. VONTZ!

I digress, this isn’t about how much I love the film. What I wanted to talk about is how applicable the film still is today in this era of elections and war pageants.

At the beginning of the current madness in Iraq, this US tried all the standard Wag the Dog tactics that had worked for them in Gulf Conflict 1: like the patriotic speeches, the painting of the hero left behind (that girl who was allegedly captured, now completely silenced), and the staged pulling down of the statue. But throughout this thing, they’ve also invented new ways to wag the dog, in-bed reporters, news channels like Fox to provide seemingly unbiased brainwashing, presidential visits with fake turkey dinners, that sort of thing.

One thing that is encouraging, to some extent thanks to blogs and other media watchdogs, these bullshit tactics have often been exposed. Forcing the administration to have to get more outlandish and to some extent – desperate with their propaganda.

One thing I realized, as I was laughing my ass off at that genius human being Willie Nelson, there is no song with this war-pageant. Is there? You know where all the top 20 artists put on headphones and stand in a room together. Guess it doesn’t work anymore. I remember during papa Bush’s war, there was a song… that whole “Proud to be an American” which went along with the Yellow Ribbons and the T-Shirts supporting desert storm. My favorite T-shirt in Wag the Dog reads: “Fuck Albania.” The parallels are eerie. I guess the biggest benefactors over the past 4 years were not only rich Bush friends, but also the flag manufacturers.

Hey if you want to watch Outfoxed and get angry, like myself and Ms. Thingk did this weekend, here’s a link to the whole thing via Dutch Public TV, relax – it’s in English.

Today’s Sounds: Dutch Public Television Running Around an Indian Reservation to Depress us all.

Costumerism

The king of jogging, my roommate, has migrated to Oslo, and my homelife will never be the same. He left me a bottle of spirits, chess board, and a typewriter. The typewriter and I have been getting acquainted. I type with her and I can feel what a vixen she must have been back in ’85. She’s electric.. boogie-woogie… complete with red lights, which works well in Amsterdam. The ink went dry probably at the end of the Clinton years, but I slid in paper and started typing anyway. I like the sounds of typing. I opened my window and door to let the passing tourists hear me and think – “Hunter S. Thompson must be in there, exiled in the Netherlands, writing about Bush’s addiction to crack.”

Speaking of the usual subject of blogging these days. One of my favorite Seattle Weekly columnists, Geov Parrish, has also laid down his weapons and backed JFK. Shocking. Everyone is calling a truce in the name of elections. Makes me wonder who’s watching the farm while the usual cynics and critics are joining hands.

Today I learned that Jill likes that Eminem video as well, and here’s the streaming link. It’s beautiful. The storming of the white house, the black sweatshirts, the look and feel of the video remind me of that animation in “the Five Obstuctions” or “Waking Life.”

So about last night: When you’re wearing short shorts, knee high socks, a basketball jersey, a towel and a bandaged head complete with bandaids over the nose and eyes, it is not the best time to have even a remotely intellegent conversation with someone new (who might be reading this right now). But that’s what happens. Scrapped the teenwolf thing because I hated the fangs and that synthetic fur which continues to appear in the shower drain. Why oh why? This is exactly what Michael J. Fox went through I bet. Until his dad explained the wolf family tree.

Anyway I mention her, not in the name of filling my blog with more ladies, but because she’s doing her PhD in the legendary humanities department. That alleged Oasis where they’re not being downsized or obsessed with stupid ass policies of PUBLISH MORE PUBLISH FASTER! Bicyclemark seeks such an oasis as a place for his never-ending PhD aspirations. And what a moment to be meeting a potential future colleague. I mumbled some jokes that only I could understand, handed her my card- like the nerd that I am, and then turned back to the dancefloor to shake my Halloween booty. What a super great first impression eh?

I’m officially retiring from the party scene. Goodnight all ye young whipper snappers. You won’t have BM to kick around anymore.

Today’s Sounds: Wilco + Billy Bragg (found long ago in a computer lab)

Under a bridge

Maybe it was the lunar eclipse seeping into our beer. Maybe it was me feeling exhausted and bummed after a long graduation day filled with me giving speeches, having flash-backs, and mini mental crises entitled “what the hell have I done with my days?” Whatever the cause – who cares; Yesterday evening/this morning- one of the most creative groups of Amsterdam ex-pats ever got together aboard Big Jim’s boat for one crazy fun jam session. Ingredients: Three guitarists, one French Hornist/singer, 3 to 4 singers and Crazy Dr. M as well. (yes.. researcher and he sings too!) It was raining you say? Not a problem – we floated beneath a bridge and remained there enjoying the acoustics and pigeons for half the night. Everyone was pleasantly surprised, as far as I can tell, by the French Horn, cause hey – how often do French Hornists sit on boats under bridges in Amsterdam and play anything from rock to country or jazz to Indian music. I swear we did an excellent Indian jam that Ravi Shankar would have wanted in on.(photos to follow tomorrow)

At some point in the evening… between the bridge and the ride through Prinsen Island.. someone shouts, “so how about those elections next week?” There was a collective “uhhhhg” in the air. And then someone broke into some Steve Miller, which I feel way to young for, since I don’t really know the songs. Looking back, this whole thing reminds me of the Accordian Guy and his adventures with the squeeze box on the street.

This morning Ms. Thingk and I did an impromptu “this ol park” which turned into “this ol island” as we wandered Prinsen Island and made some discoveries. But I’m too worried about my Halloween costume to properly blog about what a nice afternoon it was.

OK, this Bin Laden statement. How can I put this….. BULLSHIT! Anyone else have the urge to yell that? I was watching the Eminem video about the election where bin laden’s talking and suddenly the background falls apart and the Bush admin is standing there embarrassed, behind him. I think Marshall Mathers is a genius with a small g, and this video is a sign of the times. (OCG represent!)

What I mean by bullshit is both the timing and the content of this message. First off, I don’t believe this man is the all-powerful mastermind they paint him to be. I think he’s an opportunist with a symbiotic relationship with the US government. (ie: He needs them as they need him, to sell weapons and gain more power, etc) The other thing is I think this message was released to help the Bush campaign; Bin Laden says “Dont vote for Bush” so Americans will watch, get angry, and go vote Bush. If you don’t think the timing of this video and the manner it’s released are sketchy, let me step away quietly so as not to wake you.

Today’s Sounds: Laurent Voulzy – Avril

Ending Moments

*post delayed because blogger is always skrewed up lately*

You know that feeling where you’re somewhere, with a certain group of people for one of the last times, and you think “this is one of the greatest times in my life.” My last 5 years have been a giant collection of those, from way back – walking home at dawn, on our last night in France, with my Polish and Jersean comrads after another night of horrifying the ladies and offending the guys, or sitting in the “womb” in Haledon, NJ, listening to Nick Drake, with one of the finest human beings on this earth and D-Rock, to a pair of years ago sitting on the roof of my Lisbon nest playing horn, to the present – talking gibberish and singing Sinatra with my roomates here at the bicyclemark ranch. At each of these moments, like last night, I realize something great is coming to an end, and I tend to take a mental picture, for that scrapbook in my mind entitled “The best of times.”

The roomates are moving out, first the king of jogging goes – this sunday. And next month my darling miss piggy is moving in with her man. Thus leaving myself, ironically the soul non-dutch person, effectively on my own. Sure I will still sing Dean Martin and G.Love as I cook my fabulous dinners for one, but it won’t be the same without the accompanying dance steps and random shouting.

Then again, this also means a new sort of beginning, in this case, my new roomate from Salamanca. We happily speak Portug?ol – a nice mix of Portug?es and Espa?ol – and I’m not quite sure how to explain it, but there’s a familiar feeling/comfort hanging around with someone from the western side of the Iberian penninsula. He’s a mild mannered, charming dude; reminds me of me in 10 years, and I think we shall get along swimmingly. Perhaps we’ll even sing while we cook, but I doubt it.

Is it obvious that I’m steering the blog on a more personal course these days? It’s all part of my master plan friends… all part of the master plan. (clasps hands in Montgomery Burns style) Eeeexcellent.

Let’s talk comments for a moment. First of all, comments make the blogosphere go round! And if you disagree with that, then I dare you not to leave a dissenting comment. I spend hours reading blogs, at last count, 150 feeds in my bloglines. Half of those might be newspapers, but still, I make it my priority to not only read but also comment. It enhances the discussion on other blogs, and it stimulates some visits and comments back here on the communique. What do I mention this? Because some within my blog generation wonder what they should do to get more visitors to their blogs. Now you know one more way.

The other thing that I often speak of, that also increases your readers (potentially) is being syndicated via an RSS feed. Which is free and, like a broken record I remind you, revolutionary in terms of how the internet is used. Pretty soon my dinners and all my girlfriends will just come to me via RSS. Oh yes! Oh no. Maybe some advances are not so great, but for readin shit on the net, RSS is the best thing since powdered toast. It has come to my attention that some of you might want my help in setting that up. I may indeed be of assistance, but in return I ask that you take a little glance at ye Wish List or ye Paypal (also in the sidebar) and consider giving bicyclemark a little token of thanks. I’m especially fond of the “I’m So Going to Blog This” stickers.

Today’s Sounds: Rickie Lee Jones – The Evening of My Day