Not Satisfied

“Alot of people would be jealous of your life”, one of my best friends said to me via instant message yesterday. It was a response to my complaining, as another year of my life passes by, that I haven’t done the things I could have done by now.

People message me on Facebook, skype, myspace, gmail, twitter, and even in the offline world. They say things like “you’ve been travelling alot!”… or “You life seems like an adventure.” They’re probably right, but I confess that half the time I forget about the aventure and get worried about the choices I’ve made. The choice to live where I live. The choice to do the work that I do. The choice to be dedicated to blogging and podcasting. Yet somehow, these things feel like more than choices. Especially this blog and the podcasts that I do… I like to refer to them as my calling in life, just like priests always say about joining the priesthood… this medium, writing these words, and having you read them; this called out to me many years ago before I could fully understand why. And while I understand better today, why I do this, I still come to crossroads and moments where my critical nature causes me to question all these activities.

I happen to have alot of older friends that are close to me. When I fret about turning 28 and feeling like I’ve missed out on some of the wonderful things that I should have experienced by now, they laugh and say I’m young. Those that are younger than me say nothing. But in the end it is my own opinion that matters most, and by this age I had wanted to be further along with everything. Why haven’t I touched African soil with my hands? or seen Cuba and what life is like there with my own eyes? why haven’t I walked the streets of Tokyo with my good friends there? why haven’t I done the kind of reports that make a bigger impact throughout the internets. The kind of journalism that penetrates and resonates so far that it triggers real change.. change that I can see.

I’m sure there are people coming to my site for the first time being confused at such a post. If this site is about under-reported news, why is he writing about his own regrets and thoughts? But my readers and listeners know me a little better. And you know that the person in personal media does not need to be hidden; on the contrary, when I feel the need.. I write something more personal. Thats the difference between this and your old newspaper. The journalist that believes the individual has no place in their writing. Personal media, to me, is about being up front about who you are, as well as bringing forward information and arguements that have stifled in the world of popular culture.

I’m still forming thoughts and plans in my head… but as of right now.. I’ve pretty much decided that my 28th year on this earth will be one where I stop putting off life. Where I throw caution to the wind in the name of experience and education. Even if it means financial ruin or some other extreme inconvenience… things are about to change for this podcast journalist.

(PS – No it is not my birthday yet and YES I do realize many of you have and continue to support what I do)